RELATIONSHIPS
You probably have heard the saying “can’t live with him, can’t live without him!”
Relationships are complicated, individuals having different needs, wants and being in different places at times, with different feelings. Complicated dynamics, different personalities, situations and experiences. Above all they involve more than one person!
Humans are creatures of habit! In any relationship routines and patterns develop, which can be perceived as both positive and negative, priorities change, responsibilities grow. Hey Presto! Before we realise it “we’re stuck in a rut!” We can feel as if most things require an effort, a monumental effort, it’s all hard work. The enthusiasm and joy we once had felt appears to have faded, a tendency of feeling trapped, stressed or anxious sets in. We find ourselves concentrating and dwelling on the same things which drain and de-energise us.
Regardless how much we want change, the motivation is lacking as is the belief in change, and all feels far from reality. Confidence and self-esteem plummet, we begin to question ourselves, our own beliefs and decisions. The pattern continues and it’s an endless cycle where hope does not resonate.
Another day arrives and it seems much the same as the last, at times even dreary and uninspiring. Is the relationship in a healthy place of growth and happiness or are we simply “stuck in a rut!” Remember people don’t stay the same and neither do relationships!All relationships require patience, love, understanding, support, nurturing, growth and freshness – from both!
TIPS
Look at your own actions and behaviours, what can you change? Remember cause and effect!What can you do for yourself to make yourself feel good about you!Identify what causes arguments and disputes for which you have responsibility and then remove themBecome more socialChange your routines, patternsTake small steps
GET YOUR RELATIONSHIP BACK ON TRACK
Action: Decide on something to do that is fun and do it!
Aim: To break the pattern and introducing some fun back into the relationship.
Action: Open up – try discussing your fears about the relationship.
Aim: To understand how the other person is feeling and what may be holding them back.
ARE YOU STUCK IN A RUT?
Can you relate to more than 5 of the below Things appear harder than they should be
Worry and concern are mounting
Motivation & enthusiasm is plummeting
Feelings of happiness are sporadic
You have more fun with your friends
The cycle does not break
SOME QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF
Ask yourself some of the following questions:
How do you feel about yourself?
Has your confidence/self-esteem changed in the relationship?
How do you feel in the relationship?
Do the positive feelings outweigh the negative?
MOVING IN TOGETHER
Moving in together. My home? Your home? Our home?
Commitment, excitement, growth, sharing, change and the rest!
Your relationship is growing, it feels as if it is time to take the next step, it sounds romantic, all that extra time you could spend together.
Is it all domestic bliss? New routines, sharing of space, adjusting, learning about each other in different ways, sharing domestic chores, adjusting to each others quirky habits.
FORGIVENESS - OLIVE BRANCH
Forgiveness We can all feel hurt in so many ways by the one’s we love, we can feel betrayed, disrespected, not heard and all our efforts, commitment and loyalty can seem undervalued.
On such occasions forgiveness is hard and seems like a huge challenge. We question if we should forgive, if we forgive what does that say about us? Are we accepting someone else actions and approving of them, will they repeat the same action again as we have approved by forgiving. Endless questions set in.
THE GREEN EYED MONSTER
We all have felt degrees of jealousy at different points in our relationships, the situations may vary, however, the feelings and thoughts still remain. As much as jealousy is a normal emotion, it is the extent of it, which can be a problem.
Now, the area of the brain which controls jealousy has been located. It is the same part which detects real physical pain – perhaps explaining why feeling envious of your lover's philandering ways hurts so much.
RANDOM ACTS OF MADNESS
When recently perusing my collection of articles of interest, I came across one dated July 2010. It detailed an incident in America of a woman who cut off the penis of her estranged husband. I was trying to recollect why I don’t remember printing this piece out. But with hindsight it was probably a good thing. I was going through my own acrimonious separation then, and this malevolent episode would only have served to give me unlawful ideas. The worst I ever did was throwing away any photos of us together. Hardly worthy of informing the authorities. My ex once demonstrated anger with the use of a Clementine, rather meticulously placed on the ground, only then to be stamped on it. An absurd act but hardly detrimental.
INFIDELITY/CHEATING
You’re life has been turned upside down, the anger and pain is too much to manage, let alone the amount of questions that go through your head. What did I do? Is it my fault? Was I not good enough?
Feelings of rejection, betrayal, anger with a plummet in self-esteem and confidence.
Years of devotion and what you thought was matrimonial bliss, well at least most of the time, and now you’re left with a broken heart. The person you felt you were the closest too, the one you shared tears and joy with, now has only left you with tears and anguish.
© 2011 Stuck in a Rut!
All Rights Reserved
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Stuck in a Rut!