SINGLE PARENT

 

Upon instant reflection these two simple yet consequential words ‘single mum’ instantly induce an element of sympathy and extra kindly consideration. Rather, in my opinion, I am a single mum with a world of life experience behind me. Life begins at 35. There is nothing more empowering than being a single woman without the pressure of ticking boxes for my life plan by a certain age. I’ve certainly been there and done that.


And not to mention, without sounding surreptitious, at the casual yet purposeful mention that I am a single mum, people, I discover, are far more lenient with deadlines, far more supportive and almost always ready to offer assistance- free baby sitting, free additional services at the garage, paperwork completed more efficiently, all because I state my newly found single status. Perhaps the other is afraid they may provoke an emotional reaction if their actions causes me undue stress. There is nothing more uncomfortable than seeing someone in front of you crying. Perhaps they feel I have endured ample strife in my personal life and do not wish to be responsible for any further disdain. I do believe it is down to many presumptions which I simply cannot correct, because firstly their reaction results in a positive outcome for me, and secondly because I feel the other claims a sense of self satisfaction from their kindly gesture, and I simply do not want to deprive them of that.


I certainly do not intend to portray a rosy and idyllic picture of life as a single mother. It doesn’t come without its own stresses. Young children all have their moments- the fights, the rush for school runs, homework, meals, the inevitable strain that is bedtime. And my biggest disdain: bed wetting in the middle of the night resulting in my stepping in their puddles of urine. It may sound equally perturbing and amusing, but with feet soaked in urine, how does one transport themselves to the bathroom in order to clean them without causing further undue mess?


But those incidences are simply outweighed by the emotional liberation that singleton has brought about. You cannot put a price on mental sanity. Children have an unnerving ability to intuit difficulties, so whilst with their father and I, strife is never far from the surface, there is a concerted effort to ensure the children feel secure at all times. As for me, the world is my oyster, ready to explore and discover with a newfound joie de vivre.


Whenever I proclaim that I am a single mum, most people’s natural response is one of sympathy and pity, a tilted head and eyes that instantly soften along with their tone of voice. My well trained response is a diplomatic one where I respond in the same calm tone, and I keep the outpour of information purposely minimal so as not to induce further probing of detail. Inside me, however, is my inner voice screaming elatedly, ‘Why are you sympathetic towards me?? I am happy.  So should you be!


I have managed to escape a psychologically abusive and debilitating relationship. You should be offering to throw me a party!’  I have heard of divorce parties being thrown for the newly single person and have even seen mock cakes with marzipan grooms being kicked off the cake with a defiant bride standing firm with hand on hip and an indignant look piped onto her icing clad face. Or at least take me out for some kind of celebratory meal!

single mums,

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SINGLE MUM